The biggest fear is not knowing what you don’t know. It feels so uncertain, and weird, no roadmap, no formula, no recipe. You doubt every moment, everything, and at the same time, it feels so real! By doing nothing about it, you will regret it later in your life. Because regret comes from not trying, not doing, not failing, ignoring the truth, and thinking there’s an escape, but in reality, nothing changes. The risk feels too big and unconventional, but let me tell you, the biggest risk is not the risk or failure itself, but being comfortable and not taking action.

For many years, I told myself that I was fine, that I had a stable job, and that I was having a good time. Prior to that, I didn’t know what I truly wanted. I tried many things, and eventually, I landed a sales job. There were ups and downs, but overall, I performed well, even overachieving in some years. It was exciting. So, I assumed everything was good, no issue! 

A few years later, friends and colleagues started asking why I hadn’t gone for a promotion. I never thought of that before. Even as a kid, I was often asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never knew how to answer back then, so I followed the advice of others. Even now, in my 30s, that question still feels daunting. Frankly, I still don’t have a clear answer. Why can’t I stay where I am now? It’s always about what’s next. Stepping into adulthood requires constant movement and decisions on the go. I felt like we were forced to find our identity as early as possible and to know whatever we were good at as if not specializing in a specific area or skill was something unusual. It’s like I am forced into a ‘box’ to have one specialization as if I can’t learn or have other interests. I don’t want to settle for the path assigned by others. As I excelled in my job and even clients thought I was good at my duties, yet deep down even though others thought I was good at what I was doing, I resisted, I didn’t want to be defined that way. When opportunities came, I didn’t know whether it was what I wanted, I didn’t know if I wanted to climb the ladder. I was not convinced I was thinking the right way.

But there was a missing part I knew there was more to life, just I ……….no words for it!

And so opportunities came and slipped away, just like that. Then the pandemic happened, and it changed the way we worked overnight. It was not easy to adapt to the new norms at first but over time, I became used to the new norm. All the sudden changes made me realize how fragile life can be, and how anything can be taken away before we can react fast enough. Despite this awareness, it taught me to appreciate every moment we have in life. But even with this awareness, I still hesitated. As the world was still battling an invisible enemy, I asked myself, would I even be alive by then?

The thing was, I had this fear that was controlling me, the fear of failure, rejection, and what people would think of me, yes I cared too much and this insecurity felt so real. Reflecting on conversations with my friends, who seemed to have everything figured out made me question my own choices. For the longest time, day after day, month after month, and year after year….. I kept making and justifying excuses over and over again and made everything even worse instead of taking action. Avoiding the risks and staying in situations where I felt safe but stagnant, turned out to be some of my biggest regrets. I did try other things but nothing ever stuck or lasted.

Then came 2022 – 2023, the years that changed everything. These events of my life made me anxious and disappointed in myself. I had a good video call conversation with my grandmother and then she passed away, I never expected that to happen. My career had a big, unexpected shift. The thing I had been comfortable with suddenly led me into deep reflection. I noticed that I got sick more often and wasn’t as energetic and strong as I used to be in my early 20s. Back when I was younger, I could easily pull all-nighters for a few days and still get work done. I realized I had been neglecting important aspects of my life, people who cared about me, my health, and my well-being, by accumulating sleep debt and not exercising regularly. And because of all these led me to a wake-up call, a sign that it was for something new. Time to pause and reflect. You see, I had this wrong view that everything was fine but I never prepared or expected these changes, I had wrongly assumed that everything would remain the same, that no one would ever leave. But that struck me hard and forced me to confront this truth that I was completely unaware of. The view I had was an illusion. Nothing is permanent. It’s hard to accept, but the more you refuse to accept, the harsher the consequences.

I wanted to make changes. That’s when I started walking. At the beginning, I thought it was just an activity but over time, walking became my way of understanding and reconnecting with myself. With every step I took, I listened to the thoughts that had been trying to tell me things I had ignored for years. I have been walking almost daily for more than two years now and this gave me a sense of accomplishment, something I had not felt for a long time. There were some days when I didn’t feel like walking, but I recognized that resistance was just emotion and not real. Slowly, the voice inside me once my terrified enemy has become my good friend, I mean guidance haha….)D because confusion never went away. This voice became the voice of trust instead of something I wanted to distract myself from. I learned more topics that interest me like personal finance and digital marketing, hopefully, I can go further with all these. There were so many self-initiatives and DIYs, going the extra mile to explore and learn. I also engaged in volunteer work that gave me a sense of purpose and contribute to the society. 

If you have read this far, I want you to know that you have to make your own decisions, and ‘do it yourself’ the way that fits your learning style and intentions. For the longest time I have been procrastinating, I put myself into focus mode and learned how to set up my website for more than 3 months, yes I know I am slow and lazy. And finally, it is all here and I am happy that I made it, using this as a writing space to explore my curiosity. Of course, it’s not going to be perfect and I still have a lot to learn. But I am not starting as an expert in any aspect, not as someone with an impressive social status rather, I am just an ordinary dude with lots of questions, thoughts, and a journey to explore and share. This is just the beginning. There is so much more !:)

You see, I lost so many opportunities because I was afraid to take risks, The truth is, the real risk is staying in the same place, with the same mindset, same environment, same advice, and ignoring your inner voice, letting fear dictate your life. Every step of walking is a sign, a reminder to reconnect with yourself. I believe this journey is not just mine, it’s for anyone who feels that it’s common to experience these uncertainties in your path. To every one of you reading this, you are not alone and I am so proud of you for having the courage to face them. The first step is always the hardest, but it’s also the best thing you’ll ever do. You are capable of anything. Embrace the discomfort and trust yourself on this journey. Walk your path! Read more here, and subscribe to my newsletter.