When I started writing, I didn’t know where to begin, let alone how to complete a piece,  unsure of my true feelings. I didn’t start writing with clarity. The page was blank. I started writing because I felt confused and didn’t know how else to process it. At first, I thought something was wrong with me. Explaining what I felt proved difficult, and the moment I tried, the words felt wrong. My thoughts kept shifting mid-sentence. Everything sounded awkward or vague when I wanted to articulate it. It felt frustrating. The more I tried to make sense of my writing, the more tangled everything became. Words did not come naturally. Sometimes, I’d write a few sentences and delete them immediately. Sometimes, just a few words, or just incomplete sentences. It felt like being stuck in the middle of a crowded room with many people talking at once, from different directions, and I was trying to hear my own voice above the noise. The creature mind was so difficult to tame. So, whenever I felt overwhelmed, I turned to writing not because I had something profound to say but because I needed to hear, myself think, jumping around, with many crossed words and rewrite again and again.

The Mess in My Head

There were moments when I didn’t know what I believed. Feel so daunting. Especially with my identity, built after many years of working, I wasn’t sure who I was becoming. It is not easy to question what had been there before. Nothing seemed to align with who I was becoming. I would watch YouTube videos, listen to audiobooks, and talk to different people to get their opinions, scrolling through social media. It was easier to lean on others’ answers rather than face my own. I agreed with other people’s truths but ignored the quiet discomfort that told me the truth was, that nothing helped. I tell myself it’s better for me to sleep over it and the next day I could feel clearer. I just knew I felt tired of this inner conflict that never went away. After all, I didn’t trust myself enough to resolve it.

Writing as a Mirror

The blank page acts like a mirror, but unlike a simple reflection, it forces me to confront things I’m not ready to see. I still reluctant sometimes, to face these. It must be hard to swallow. It’s uncomfortable like someone telling you the truth while you write down their message. When I sat down quietly, I didn’t have much on my table. If I was outside, I relied on my notepad and allowed myself to wander as if staring at something while processing my internal thoughts. Freeze and no movement, dreaming day time. My real feelings surfaced. The beginning of my writing could be in the middle of my thoughts or opinions, and I write whatever connects before or after because that’s what I can recall, the most recent event. Sometimes, I pause because the thoughts I might have had before might not be what I felt at that moment or now. Maybe I reacted negatively without thinking much, which could have led the outcome to being negative. It was disorienting at first. Writing exposed contradictions. As someone who always said that I valued freedom, I was clinging to stability. Stability gives me security, but at the same time, it could be taken away. I can share about this next time. The safety comes fear- fear of not having enough, fear of failing, and fear of the unknown. How can I two thoughts at the same time? I claimed to value curiosity and self-expression, yet I constantly edited my writing, torn between revealing my true self and fearing judgment. The scariest part was that I didn’t realise the gap until I started writing, not trying to teach but trying to tell the truth. Am I ready?

Struggle Behind The Scene 

There’s a temptation when it comes to writing my thoughts: to provide solutions or answers to myself, or to the lovely people reading and following me, found me in this little space. I hoped I could provide something helpful to you and others. And that meant I would have all the answers. I asked myself, “Do I sound wise enough?”. Of course NOT! I fell into that trap, writing sentences that felt safe, agreeable, and polished. But those weren’t the pieces I felt connected to. They didn’t teach me anything new and didn’t help me grow. 

In fact, the moments where I felt the truest were the ones I had been hiding- the thoughts and mistakes felt but not spoken, the ones I was embarrassed by, the pieces that I deleted or almost didn’t publish. It took me a lot of courage to get these up. These were the moments where I was still learning with no significant results, with much to improve, yet doubting myself because growth felt messy and slow, but I was still trusting the tiny steps forward. It was silly of me to believe many things were fixed and guaranteed. Perfect! Sometimes we ignore important events, news, or lessons, like how we swipe past things on our social media feed so fast in a few seconds that it’s easier to pretend nothing happened. It’s hard to admit, “I don’t know,” as if it’s weakness. Weakness I afraid that people would find out and laugh. I stumbled upon a video and said those were the pieces people resonated with the most because writing isn’t about projecting certainty but revealing the process. Maybe that’s where the truth begins. Am I going to do it?

Clarity Doesn’t Mean Certainty

One thing I’ve learned is that clarity doesn’t always lead to certainty. I used to believe writing was about finding the right answer, but when you start writing, it reveals what you are unsure of. I see it more as learning to exist in the gap between what I know and what I’m still unfolding, rooted in the present and not rushing toward a perfect future. It brings me back to myself and shows me exactly where I am.

Why I Still Write

If you are starting to write, don’t make this mistake like I did. I used to write as a perfectionist. That mindset cost me so much of wasting time. In fact, write without expecting answers. Let the writing be what it is, messy thoughts and just show up even if you don’t feel like it.

Don’t you think, if everything were so perfect, there would be nothing left to discover. How boring is that, right? It’s in the mess, the uncertainty, and the unfinished pieces that we find space to grow. If there is no room to explore, challenge, and evolve, then life will become stagnant, like a zombie. We stop growing, challenging ourselves, and realizing what we are truly capable of, trapped in the comfort of the known, sacrificing the potential other side of us yet to be discovered. Perhaps, maybe you have a hidden talent of singing? If we had everything figured out, then we’d stop moving forward, trapped in the past, bound by what we once knew. We limit ourselves to old narratives and old possibilities. When I write about slow living, money, healthy living, and what I discovered through walking, it’s not because I have mastered those things but because I am trying to understand my relationship with them. I also have the an interest in video editing and storytelling, and I wish to be good at. Other than that, I write to document my messy thoughts and experiences and as a reminder. That’s what writing does. That’s why you are here too, my lovely readers. Perhaps, it’s because you are trying to hear your voice beneath all the noise. Something hidden inside you waiting to be unleashed? Writing can be yours too, a way to meet yourself and see your reflection. If you feel unsure, in between, or are waiting for the perfect words, you can start with one or two sentences. Come on, this is not an essay exam. I am not a perfect writer, but I still write anyway because every time I do, I uncover a little more about myself, even silly stuffs. You don’t need to be an expert to start writing. I am still learning, and you can do the same for yourself. Start on day one with no pressure, write the ‘secrets’ and you are free to hide them altogether, if you want!

Walk & Write

I have been writing for quite some time, and I can say that writing is pretty simple to start. Just document, as if you are talking to your younger self, or future, if you wish. Your thought could be midway or at the end, but you can write that thought as a beginning. No fixed formula. Just the act of writing is enough; it’s as simple as listening to your own thoughts. And sometimes, clarity isn’t about answers or certainty. It’s about meeting yourself on the page and hearing your own voice for the first time in a long time. Writing could be messy but don’t worry, it won’t mess you up in real life. It clears the fog; don’t trap your thoughts in your head. It doesn’t have to become a post. It doesn’t have to be shared. Let it sit quietly in your notes app, and it still matters. You can be confused, raw, demotivated, happy, untethered, that makes you human, right? Release them. Walk it off, write it down, without filter.

I’ve found that some of my clearest thoughts don’t come when I’m sitting at my desk, but when I’m out walking alone. There’s something about the rhythm of walking, the way it slows your pace and untangles your thoughts, that creates the perfect mental space for honest writing. I wrote more here. By the time I return, the words flow more freely, and what feels complicated begins to make sense.