A reaction often happens instantly, without warning or planning. This fundamental difference between reaction vs. reflection dictates how we navigate triggers and challenges. Someone says something that hits you. You may hear something that triggers you, something that touches an unresolved fear, insecurity, or concern. Before you can pause and reflect properly, you react emotionally, which makes you defensive or over-explain something you never expected, something that’s not in your nature. Something that triggers you could be a comment, criticism, a scroll, online content, a notification, or something that didn’t turn out to be what you expected. Your heart starts to race, you breathe faster, feel a tightened chest and anxious thoughts. And your nervous system responds before you consciously choose how to act. After the moment passes, you wonder, “Why did I say that? Why did I click that? Why did I need to prove something when you don’t have to?” And you realise your reaction did not match the situation. Damage has been done to anyone affected by your reaction. You were not responding with awareness but from emotion, habit, or fear.

Before you go to sleep or in a quiet moment, your mind replays the moment. You could be disappointed or regretful with your actions. You cannot take back what you said or did.

It is so difficult not to react because we are so used to doing it, and we’re left with little room for reflection. The need to react feels safer than vulnerability, because to pause and reflect requires us to sit with discomfort, admitting we don’t know, or delaying gratification. You are afraid to be wrong or be on the losing side.

You consume more than you create. You react based on habit, react on autopilot. You rush through moments that deserve presence.

Ego and Empathy

When something does not go the way we want or expect, we tend to react emotionally and defensively because our ego feels attacked or exposed.

Situations like:

• “I deserved better.”
• “They misunderstood me.”
• “This should not be happening.”
• “I am right.”

These are the ego’s defence mechanisms to control, to be certain, and to be uncomfortable with feeling wrong, unimportant, or dismissed. Understanding this core reaction vs reflection challenge is vital for cultivating self-awareness and healthier interactions.

Because we want to feel important, right, safe, and seen. We don’t want to look weak or wrong. When I started writing, I poured my heart into it, but it did not get the response I hoped. My ego whispered, “See, you are not good enough.”

When I was 19, during my pre-university time, it was a hot afternoon, I was sweating and I was on a bus with an old man. The old man asked if I could switch off the air conditioner because he was feeling cold. My ego resisted and it told me, “Why should I? I am sweating, I have a right to be comfortable too.” Reflecting back, I realised my reaction was not about the air conditioner; it was about ego, needing to be right, justified, and unwilling to yield. If I had more empathy, I would have paused and not allowed my ego to push through.

This reflection also serves as a lesson to me, a reminder that empathy begins where ego softens; that sometimes, being kind is more powerful than being right; and that often, our first reaction is not the truest one, but it’s the loudest one. That day, I prioritised myself. I did not think how my choice made someone else suffer. I let my need to feel justified outweigh someone else’s discomfort. If I could go back in time, I would have chosen differently. Reflecting on this, I know I could not change the past, or what had been done, but this taught me how to show up better next time.

The Pause That Rewrites Everything

I think many of you can relate to this, especially if you spend most of your time on the road. I was driving on a highway in the fast lane. I was cruising comfortably and enjoying my music after a long day, on my way back home. A car suddenly sped up without realising it was behind me, honked and flashed its lights, hinting me to move away and let him pass. I caught myself on time, so I let the car pass that evening. Maybe the driver was rushing to the airport, hospital, or to an emergency or something urgent. That small pause interrupted a reaction that was on auto-pilot before it took over. If I had reacted, I would have escalated the situation and gotten into trouble. When I try to understand from the other driver’s perspective, it is actually liberating, because understanding where he is coming from made a big difference with this small choice. It could be the other driver’s mistake, but it is almost important to focus on my own safety as well, which could prevent any unwanted accidents. This reflection is to remind myself to be responsible on the road. And luckily, nothing happened.

It also reminded me of something I wrote, “Walk Your Way to Clarity“: that clarity doesn’t arrive in a rush. It arrives when you walk slowly enough to catch up with yourself.

When Reaction Replaces Reflection

Most days, we live in reaction mode. We wake up to check our phones’ notifications and reply to texts and emails before we have even taken a breath when we are still blurred and on the bed. We act before we process, we perform before we align.

In “Simple Ways to Slow Down Your Mornings & Evenings,” I shared how those gentle bookends of the day can change everything. Not because you’re doing more but because you’re giving your nervous system a chance to settle before the world tugs at you.

I used to check my phone before I even stood up. I’d let other people’s energy flood into my space before I’d had a chance to locate my own. These days, I journal. I drink my coffee. The actions are simple but the difference in how I show up is massive.

Reaction vs Intention in Creativity

The same pattern shows up in creativity. When I react, I write quickly just to know I skim the surface. But when I reflect, the words arrive more slowly. Reactive creativity can feel productive, but it often stays shallow. Reflective creativity may be slower, but it brings depth, truth, and clarity. “How Writing Clarifies Your Thoughts and Beliefs” wasn’t just a title, it’s a truth I live.

And when I walk before I write, I notice how my mind loosens its grip. Ideas don’t fight to be seen. They arrive gently. That’s why I started walking as part of my journaling practice. It became less about the steps and more about the space between them. I shared this on “How Walking Inspires My Journaling Practice.” Writing does not just record emotions; it decodes them.

Slowness is Strategy (Even in Finance)

In “How to Align Your Money with a Slow Living Mindset,” I wrote about how mindless spending is often a reaction: to stress, boredom, comparison, to wanting to feel “enough.” Reflection is what breaks that loop.

You ask: “Is this purchase solving a problem, or distracting me from one?” That question alone can save you hundreds of dollars and bring you back to yourself. It’s the same with time.

In “What If We Treated Time Like Money,” I challenged myself to notice how many minutes I spent reacting, instead of investing. The truth? Reactions are expensive. Because when you pause, you interrupt impulsive spending. Without that pause, spending becomes a reaction to internal discomfort.

• Stress leads to buying something to feel in control.
• When you are bored, you shop for stimulation.
• When you compare yourself, you spend to keep up.
• When you are insecure, you spend more to feel ‘enough’.

Every Reaction Has a Backstory

Not every quick response is random. Most are rehearsed.

• A tone from someone reminds you of something from childhood.
• A question makes you feel exposed.
• A delay makes you feel unworthy.
• A no makes you feel rejected even if the answer wasn’t about you.

In “The Day I Sold My Luxury Watch,” I wrote about a decision that started as a reaction but became a reflection. I wasn’t just selling an object. I was shedding an identity I didn’t need to prove anymore. Reactions often come from stories we haven’t edited. Reflection gives you the pen.

Strategic Stillness: What Chess Teaches Us

In “How Chess Mirrors the Pace of Slow Living,” I talked about the discipline of moving one piece at a time without rushing to control the board. That’s reflection. And in “Depth of Field on the Board,” I explored how focus and patience sharpen your vision not just for what matters, but for what doesn’t. The same is true in real life.

You don’t need to move fast. You just need to know why you’re moving at all.

Why Reflection Can Feel Scary

Reflection isn’t always comfortable. It reveals what we’re trying to avoid. That’s why many of us fear boredom. In “Why We Fear Being Alone,” I unpacked the quiet discomfort that comes when you finally turn down the volume and hear what’s underneath. It’s also why being misunderstood can trigger a reaction.

In “What If Being Misunderstood Was Proof You’re on Your Path,” I wrote about the courage it takes to hold your ground without needing to over-explain. Reflection doesn’t always soothe you. Sometimes, it challenges you to stay when everything in you wants to run. But if you can hold that space without filling it too quickly, you’ll find the clarity you didn’t know you had.

Silence and Step Back

You don’t have to change everything. Just change your pace. You don’t have to control your emotions. Just give them room to breathe before they speak. Not everything needs a response. Not every comment deserves energy. Not every emotion has to become an action. But everything, absolutely everything deserves reflection.

I’ve learned that empathy doesn’t always arrive first. Often, ego gets there before kindness. But the pause, that small breath between reaction and response is where something changes. Reflection gives the ego space to quiet down. And in that quiet, empathy can be heard.

When I walk, I notice this more clearly. When I sit down to write especially after a walk I can feel the shift. Writing let me listen to myself before I speak to others. It helps me see where my ego wants to protect me and where empathy wants to connect me. You may want to read more How Walking Inspires My Journaling Practice.

So next time when something triggers you, before you react, keep silent and step back.